Inspiration is not always easy to put a finger on. It can come after reading a perfect piece of poetry, or after visiting an awe-inspiring art museum. Or it can arrive after a night of tossing and turning.
Last night was filled with nightmares about my mom's Alzheimer's, and with worries about my own future. I awakened needing relief from the darkness and intuitively I headed for the computer to a story I'd set aside a month ago. After half an hour of immersion, my mood lightened, the panic passed, and the day turned out rather well.
While I hope these "inspiration filled" nights are few and far between, I now know how to channel them into something positive that soothes my soul. (In the photo: my mom shares her cake with great grandson Connor.)
8 comments:
Diane,
We generally think inspiration comes from something good and satisfying, but you've reminded us it can come from fear and grief, as well. Good luck to you as you turn this current sadness and fear into something good on paper!
Diane,
What a great photo. And I'm glad that working on a story helped:)
I agree that inspiration is difficult to put a finger on-- it visits us at the oddest and most surprising moments, not always good and convenient. I am glad you were able to channel your inspiration into something healing.
I am sorry to hear about your mother's Alzheimer's Diane. It's a path that I watched my father go down, and it is a sad and difficult one. For better or worse, the tough times can often become fodder for stories. I'm glad you found a measure of relief that night.
Diane, enjoy your mom.
My grandson's name is Conor.
It is definitely an interesting time and I truly am enjoying my mom. She still is so happy, and her eyes sparkle with life. The doctor has told us that we have to take her car keys from her soon and it hurts my heart. Did you have to do that with your dad, David?
Yes, my dad's wife Delia eventually had to take the keys away from him. It was a fairly smooth transition; my dad said, "Oh, Delia just feels more comfortable when she drives," and never realized (or allowed himself to realize) that he wasn't allowed to drive because of his own inabilities.
My dad was very happy and content for a long time, up until the last year of the disease. It was a great blessing for us that he was mostly oblivious to what was happening. I hope your mother continues to be filled with the joy of life.
Diane,
My uncle died of Alzheimer's and for many, many years of his life he was pretty much not there anymore. Seems like your mom is still vibrant and can connect in many ways, so grab each moment. There is a wonderful book I read a gazillion years ago by Madeleine L'Engle, THE SUMMER OF THE GREAT GRANDMOTHER. She describes beautifully the shift from being the child to being the caretaker. This may be a wonderful time for your writing. Do you ever do memoir kind of writing? It might be nice to get your mom talking about all kinds of shared memories, or just record some of her stories. My heart goes out to you and your mom.
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